It Ain't Easy Being Greene: Despair.com

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Despair.com

My brother told me about this website a few weeks ago, but I just recently looked it up. And almost wet my pants (wellllll, OK, I did). I LOOOOVE this kind of humor! I'll share a few (and hope you can read them), but then you have to go to www.despair.com/viewall.html and read the rest. I'm thinking I need some new t-shirts ... or they make whole calendars out of these! Perfect!

No comments:

Post a Comment

Out of the mouths of monkeys

K: There's another one fly!
M: Can you smash it?
K: No. I don't wann smash it. Da fly is NICE! 11/6/12

Mom: Koen, are you stinky?
K: No. I mean, (meekly) Yes, sir. 10/12

Koen, as we left the parking lot ahead of the boys one night: "See ya lata ... (quietly) suckas." 8/29/12

Sitting in church, whispering:
Caden: Wow, are they allowed to be this boring?
Dave: Yes (laughing).
C: And speak this long?
D: Yes.
C: It should be a crime against kids! 8/26/12

Davin, after a comment by Daddy: "So, are only grown-ups allowed to say 'stupid'?" Whoops, caught ya. 7/12

Koen said, "I wanna lay on baby" today. Then he pulled up my shirt and laid his head down on my bulging belly ... and now he's sleeping. First co-nap with the new sib! :) 4/13/12

Caden: "Mom, the Star Wars Darth Maul Lightsaber is the greatest thing since holographic sliced bread." 4/13/12

Tessa: I try not to let Davin play with my glass dolls.
Gummy: Why? Are you afraid he'll drop them on you?
Tessa: No, I'm afraid he'll drop them on the FLOOR!
4/10/12

Dave recently patched several dings, holes and other imperfections in our walls. The next morning Koen went on a treasure hunt, finding the white spackled patches and shouting excitedly, "SNOW!!!"

When we went camping, we were out playing and Tessa called out, "Caden, where are you, my brother-from-the-same-mother?"

Davin stubbed his toe and said, "Dad, I hurt my thumb toe."

Davin: "Mommy, this is the hugest orange anyone could ever eat!"
Mom: "That's a grapefruit."
Davin: "Oranges are the great fruit? I don't think so."

Koen asked me for an "apple peach" one morning, meaning he wanted it whole instead of cut up :) Way to communicate, 22-month-old!

Tessa was outside with Dad on a chilly morning. She was getting cold and said, "Dad, I think I'm turning into a big Tessacle!" lol

Mom: "Koko, do you need a diaper change?"
Caden: "What about me?" (Granted, he had just asked me for something, but the timing was great.)

Caden: (looking at the map)"Dad, is there such place as Zealand?" Because where does the "New" come from if there is no original?

Mom pours shampoo on Tessa's head. "OK Tessa, rub it in." (High, whiny voice) "'Ha ha, I have shampoo and you don't.' You mean that kind of rubbing in?"

Davin: "I'm leaving da rest of my celery on da floor so da ants can eat it."
Tessa: "Or the mice."
Thanks a million, kids. So helpful.

Dave told Tessa he'd give her a penny if she'd wipe Davin's behind. She said, "Every penny counts!" and did it! They each got 3 pennies for it :) Later Davin wanted more money and Dave said maybe tomorrow Tessa could wipe him again. He said, "Heh. Nah, dat was kinda weird for me."

I was giving Davin a bath and told him to lay down to get his hair wet. Then he said, "Now should I lay up?"

Davin passed some noisy gas and I said, "Heeeeey, tootie!" He looks at me, shrugs, and says, "Dat's just what it do!"

Tessa tells the baby, "Awww, you're so cute! I just can't exist you!" (means 'resist')

I was lecturing Davin about how he doesn't listen to me until I yell, when he mutters under his breath, "Mama, Jesus don't love you." Hiding a smirk, I asked why he would say that, and he said, "'Cuz, you so cwazy! I don't even know what you sayin!"

Davin was marching around in a circle and said, "Look ma! I following the prophet! Like Jesus say!"

Tessa calls her bare feet her "plain old feet."

I was frustrated one night getting the rowdy kids to focus and put on their pajamas. During his bedtime prayer, Caden included: "Oh, and God, here's a little secret: (whisper) Mom's beautiful when she's angry." He later told me I look beautiful and Dad looks cool when we're angry. What a smart kid - dispell the anger with kindess!

Me: "Tessa, do you want a banana?"
T: "Tessa do you want a banana who? ... bwaaa haa haa"

Caden was watching the end of "NeverEnding Story" where the luck dragon chases down the bullies. He got really excited and said, "Yeah! He's giving them a taste of their own medicine! And not the fruity kind ... the hurtin' kind!"

Caden asks lots of questions that I don't have great answers for: "Why is my Slappy Hand sticky? Why is clay hard?" Tessa has figured out the best response: "Because Jesus made your Slappy Hand sticky. Right Mom?" What do you say to that?

During family prayer one night Caden decided to do a rap version of "Let Us Gather In A Circle." At the end he crosses his arms gangsta style and says, "Respect!" We were laughing, and he was annoyed. He said, "What, I'm just trying to make a catch phrase!"

For some reason, Caden and Aunt Betsy were talking about bats. And Caden mentioned fruit bats (heaven knows why). So Betsy said, "Oh, is that from Anastasia?" Caden said, "No ... no, that's not from any country."

Caden had been calling Mom and Tessa his "step-sisters" all day. Later Tessa said, "I am Caden's ... tip-toe sister!"

Tessa: "Mom, you are Dad's life." (She meant wife ... but I like it her way.)

Tessa was trying to come in while I was in the bathroom, and I said, "Tessa, please go out. Mommy needs her privacy." She said "oh" and closed the door. A few seconds later I hear her say, "I can't find it! Dad, do you know where Mom's privacy is?"

Grandma was telling the grandchildren on her birthday that they were her best present. As we were later driving to her house to give her a gift, Caden insisted that he was her present. Over and over. Then he said, "But I'M HER PRESENT! Wrap me up, baby!"

Tessa was horrified to learn where dogs go to the bathroom and occasionally mutters to herself, "Remember when Jake (friend's dog) go'd poopy on the ground?"

A few years ago we were at the grandparents' house and Grandpa was blessing the food. During his prayer Caden said in a loud whisper, "Grandpa! It's too long! That's too long Grandpa!"

It Ain't Easy Being Greene

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Despair.com

No comments:

Post a Comment

Out of the mouths of monkeys

People I like a lot

Archive

Background